Today is the time in my life, when the need to move forward, is the healthiest direction I could offer, me. Allowing myself to stay in an emotional melting pot, doesn't work anymore.
I believe I am becoming healthier everyday,although I can still get pulled back into the hole I dug for myself. That hole.. it's like fighting to climb out of quick sand every single day. Two steps forward, one step back.
I've needed to stop and take stock of what I want from my life. It's taken time to see clearly what was going on for me, what I could not be, what I didn't want to be and what I needed to do for myself. I needed perspective; knowing what is important, where I want to go and how I want to get there.
First and foremost, as I have said in previous posts, I need to take care of me. Focus in on what my needs, wishes, hopes and desires are and become just a titch more selfish. Now is the time to take it up a notch.
Can I do that? Honestly, do I really want to do that? Or is the hurt of experience calling me back to stay in the rut - because it's the only place I know. There is that quicksand again and interestingly enough, I should write those thoughts down. It's like I am scared of the first step. That will be obviously be my daily struggle.
So today, I declare that the buck stops here. As the saying goes; today, is the first day of the rest of my life. I believe in myself. I am worthy of all the things I so desperately want and I need to want these "things". I am my own unique self; special, creative and wonderful. And I want to become the person I have at one time, only dreamed about.
Gawd dammit, I am going after it.
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